There are so many things I have wanted to blog about lately: Hope, feeling lost, self-medicating, moving on, the grief journey and decisions but I haven't been able to. I have been in a bit of a dark patch actually, drinking too much, smoking too much and just generally feeling like crap. BUT a moment I had on the weekend reminded me that I have the truest, dearest and most wonderful set of girlfriends in the world. So that today, electronic world, will be my focus!
My closest girlfriends, three lovely ladies and me. Each in their own way struggling with heartbreak. Three of us are moving into our second decade of friendship. We enjoyed each others' company at the best times of our lives and we have seen each other at the lowest of the low: forging a bond that invisibly connects us through everything. We all four are mothers, the other three have their children here on Earth and two of us share the unfortunate bond of being a Babyloss Mum.
I realized on the weekend that these women have an amazing (uncanny, unbelievable, wonderful, heart warming and soul comforting) ability to know just when I need them. One of them was speaking of her experience during her 20 wk scan for her daughter now 3. It was a conversation filler, she wasn't particularly invested in the story and nor were the other two. But to me it was different. I was instantly and painfully transported back to that room on that day. Hearing those words for the very first time again: we suspect spina bifida, the fluid on the brain is extensive. I was standing at a pub, drinking a beer, with my close girlfriends but feeling the pain, vulnerability and heartache of that moment my life changed. It hurt. I sipped my beer as J told her story, desperatly wishing that my 20 wk scan story had a different ending. One like hers, that ended with a healthy, happy baby. But it doesn't. I listened to the story. I held it together, but they knew, my girlfriends KNEW my heart was breaking all over again right there in the cobblestoned courtyard.
A hug, a kiss and a few I love you's were the bandaids they applied to temporarily piece my heart together again. And in that instant I felt so very lucky that I had found three amazing women to share my journey with. Each of them so very different but each of them willing, in their own time of grief, to assist me with mine. I will forever love them. I will forever be grateful for that moment and for every moment I spend with them. True friendship isn't strengthened through a shared passion for designer shoes or a mutual love of mojito's (although that helps) it's the look that says 'I know you are in pain and I am right there with you'.
I hope you have such friends.