I feel lost, so very lost. For a few months I had focus and a plan. I have never had that in my life before. I have always struggled to find direction and my purpose in life. As a result it has manifested itself in a number of careers, a few failed relationships and a whole lot of missed potential. I feel like I am constantly treading water, waiting for the wave to come so I can ride it to shore. It came. She came. I was so focused. I was putting my career on hold and working hard to create a beautiful life for the two of us. I was determined. I was decisive. We were a team and we were going to achieve amazing things together. She's gone and so is that direction.
What do I do now? I can change careers, stay in the same one, have a relationship, choose not to, I can move cities or stay right where I am. In all these decisions I now only have one person to consider and that's what makes it so hard. Of this though I am certain, my life's purpose: to be Marin's Mummy.
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